Not feeling the love? Here’s why
Universal Royal Pageant chief Annette Hill isn’t feeling the love from us here in Australia over her plans to export US-style child beauty pageant culture to our shores.
“Oprah Winfrey went, she had a great time, and that’s why I want to come too. But I’m not feeling the love like Oprah did,” she told News Limited.
Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that Oprah wasn’t accompanied by six-year-olds in feathers and sequins performing Las Vegas Show girl routines? (perhaps it also has something to do with the fact that she’s not Oprah, but I’ll leave that aside for now).
Blogger and author Kerri Sackville has perfectly and comically captured the essence of kids that most of us want to protect. With her permission, I’m reprinting her post here. Enjoy. (And the little boy with the bucket on this head? I can neither confirm nor deny that this is a child of mine).
Now THIS Is A Kiddie Beauty Pageant
Kiddie beauty pageants are coming to Australia and we Aussies aren’t pleased. We do not want our kids prematurely sexualised. We do not want them wearing makeup and beehive hairdos at the age of two (actually, we do not want them wearing beehive hairdos at all, because they look utterly ridiculous). We do not want them primping and preening and flirting with the judging panel when they should be making mud pies. And we certainly don’t want them to wear those expensive sparkly dresses because they’re just going to spill their Milo on them anyway.
However, I don’t think we should dismiss kiddie beauty pageants altogether. I think there is a place for them in our country; they just need to be modified a little to better suit the Australian culture.
Children are to be judged on appearance, performance and demeanor.
•All choices of clothing are to be made by the child themselves. Bonus points are awarded for creativity, colour and uniqueness of ensemble. A pink tutu worn with yellow gumboots and a bright green hoodie is excellent. Likewise a long sleeve, purple winter top worn under a white summer frock with pink leggings and Dora The Explorer novelty shoes. A designer dress worn with matching party shoes entails immediate disqualification.
•Bonus points are awarded for vegemite smears on clothing and/or food remnants on face.
•Extra bonus points are awarded for food remnants in hair.
•Triple bonus points are awarded for stains of unknown origin anywhere on the competitor.
Children are to engage in a performance of their own creation. Sponteneity is preferable and props will be provided by event organisers. Suggestions are as follows:
•Spinning around in circles until they fall over.
•Lying on the floor kicking their legs.
•Doing a toddler handstand (i.e. placing hands on the floor and looking at the world from between their legs).
•Pulling up their top to show the judges their belly button.
•Kicking down a Lego tower. (Bonus points if the Lego tower was built by another child).
Children are judged on their demeanor, with points awarded for appropriateness and dramatic effect. For example:
•Throwing a tantrum for absolutely no reason.
•Running offstage to use the potty.
•Actually using the potty onstage.
•Running offstage in protest.
•Embarrassing their parents (“Daddy does smelly poos!”).
•Embarrassing the judges (“Why does that lady have a beard?”).
•Standing there looking dazed and doing absolutely nothing at all.
If you are interested in enrolling your child, contact me via this blog. But I really wouldn’t bother if I was you. My three year old is going to win for SURE.
*There are no terms or conditions.
Take action! Find out how here