Men are stereotyped too
Came across this father’s day ad in The Weekend Australia magazine.
Right here we have a snapshot of the stereotypes that limit men and contribute to socialising them into standard – and often harmful – ways of behaving.
The ad spruiks six SBS DVDs for dad. The first is ‘The Killing’, the second ‘Erotic tales’ and the next four are soccer matches.
Death, sex and sport. What more does a man need? The heading says ‘DAD. DVD. DONE’. I wonder who is purchasing ‘Erotic Tales’ for their father? “I’ll have an Erotic Tales for my dad thanks. Oh hang on make that two, I’ll get one for grand-dad as well”.
Is this how men want to be seen? The men 
I know and mix with don’t.
This socialisation into sex and violence starts early. I recently interviewed Maggie Hamilton about her new book What’s Happening to Our Boys? She argues that we are knocking the tenderness out of boys at the youngest of ages. If you read my post on computer games for boys, you will have to agree.
In the same way women are resisting negative and harmful stereotypes about them, men need to as well. Including on father’s day.
September 2nd, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Great blog, Melinda. It’s always been there, this stereotyping of men, but the incidence of it and the spheres in which this appears is increasing. i was watching the Gruen transfer last night, and they discussed the fact that young men with self-esteem and body issues are on the rise (they also discussed that there are some young men in their 20s who have never seen a female pubic hair!)… the response from the otherwise fabulous female panellist was ‘we’ve (women) dealt with this for years – get over it…’ I don’t think that’s the right response at all – what’s good for the gander is good for the goose? Come on – we can do better than that, surely? Maggie is so right, we are knocking tenderness out of our young men by identifying it as somehow unmasculine and by our continued adoration of hyper-masculinity and expressions of that through violence and misogyny; and yet, so many I know (my own son included) are both tender and masculine and find the type of stereotyping you draw attention to so reductive and alienating – it does play with their sense of self in such destructive ways. Thanks for posting your blog. 🙂
September 2nd, 2010 at 3:02 pm
I find the Gruen Transfer really interesting, for just that reason Karen – they’re so aware of what they’re doing (Todd Sampson blatantly stated last night that first the advertisers create the problem, the low self-esteem, and then present the ‘solution’ to said problem), they’re aware that they’re actually undermining people and furthering these really negative and unhealthy gender stereotypes and memes, and they’re completely unapologetic for this. In fact that’s what they WANT – they want to create dissatisfied, unhappy people with poor confidence – so they will consume.
It’s what offends me most about living in a consumerist, patriarchal society. The worship of the almighty dollar at the expense of people’s wellbeing and safety is terrifying and infuriating. There are only a few elite few who benefit from the society we have at present – the richest, whitest, and most masculine. The rest of us suffer to varying degrees because of their greed and privilege.
Thanks for another thought provoking blog post, Melissa.
September 2nd, 2010 at 4:57 pm
I don’t think were knocking the tenderness out of boys, in fact plenty of data shows the opposite. There is overwhelming evidence showing we are feminising our males. Being a young boy is considered a pathology these days. Being rough and tumble is what a lot of boys are naturally (lets not confuse that with violence), yet we want them to behave like girls. Sometimes one has to know the opposite of something to appreciate it. for example, you need to know pain to understand joy etc, hence knowing to be rough and tumble, lets you be aware of the appreciation of being soft and tender at later stages. As Susanna Hoff Sommers points out, when asked around age 13 if young males wanted to be gentlemen they overwhelmingly said yes, but they didn’t know how. We lack male role models for children as primary schools teachers are predominantly female. We need to put respect back into the profession of teaching and get some great teachers back. I remember when they were respected like doctors and lawyers (and the top ones should be paid like them too). To add to this, I am embarrassed at the magazines targeted towards men. There seem to be no magazines aimed at men whom want respectful, thought provoking and engaging content to read. In fact the last few months I have been thinking about starting to produce such a magazine.
September 2nd, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Crumbs. Back in the day my father was happy to get a pair of slippers or a set of bookends.
September 2nd, 2010 at 6:08 pm
I actually laughed at this because it’s so ridiculous. I can tell you now, that I have never once purchased a “stereotypical” gift for my father. And really, does anyone want to induce an awkward moment with a parent by buying them a soft porn DVD?
September 2nd, 2010 at 11:46 pm
Male Role model, you said lets not confuse rough and tumble with violence but I think you have actually done that in your comment. I don’t think Maggie Hamilton is arguing for ‘feminising boys’ or speaking against the ‘rough and tumble’ behaviour of young boys; she is documenting how young boys are taught to be violent and to have a callous attitude towards girls and women. In this way, as a culture we are indeed knocking the tenderness out of them.
I have a young son who is as rough as they come. Climbs tall trees, much to my horror. Rides bikes down steep slopes and plays up and down the street with his little friends, lots of kids in my street. He is also the funniest, most affectionate young fellow around. Today we bought him some strawberries which he loves and the first thing he did was tip them into a bowl and run off to share them with the little girl next door, because he knows she likes them. As ‘rough and tumble’ as he is, he is also generous, caring and funny.
He is also 3 years old. It saddens me to think that in order to raise him right, I’m fighting against the culture. They say it takes a village to raise a child, I think that’s true, but the village is pretty sick right now.
September 3rd, 2010 at 8:30 am
As my father once said of TV, “this is an insult to my intelligence”. We need to tell those who are using the mass media to, pull up their socks, and think before they publish. I regularly turn off, walk away and now I think I should also tell them to stop this crap.
September 4th, 2010 at 6:46 pm
What’s with the assumption that father’s day (or mother’s day) requires consumerism? We never treated father’s day as a second birthday, but rather as a celebration of our father. That meant we went out of our way to do things that we all enjoyed together. It didn’t mean we bought him a dvd then went about the day like normal. Isn’t consumerism the bigger problem? The assumption that happiness can be bought?
September 5th, 2010 at 12:02 am
Interesting piece.
Male role model – I do agree that males need good role models as you suggested and well done if you are involved in this.
I disagree with you re the tenderness statement and I would be very interested in the data you suggested?
I do like how you differentiate between rough and tumble and violence, although I don’t think the writer of this piece nor the author of the book is alluding to that entirely. I believe it more to do with the accumulative impact of consumerism and culture and stereotyping from this.
I believe true masculinity comes in many forms and one being tenderness as suggested. This does not mean weakness, nor feminine, nor unadventurous or not rough/tumble types. I have read the book which is referred to here, and the author shows extensive research into young boys and it does seem true that culture, society, is indeed socialising men to a certain new ‘norm’ and knocking this tenderness out of young boys (and men in general) with depravity and stereo-typical expectations and demands.
I have some exceptional men in my life, who show strength adventure and tenderness and its a wonderful mix.
Great thoughts from everyone – thanks.
September 5th, 2010 at 10:21 pm
[…] Publisher пишет: I find the Gruen Transfer really interesting, for just that reason Karen – they’re so aware of what they’re doing (Todd Sampson blatantly stated last night that first the advertisers create the problem, the low self-esteem, and then present the … Being rough and tumble is what a lot of boys are naturally (lets not confuse that with violence), yet we want them to behave like girls. Sometimes one has to know the opposite of something to appreciate it. for example, … […]