And yes, if a man assaults a woman he is to blame
Channel 9 media celebrity Kerri-Anne Kennerley has attracted attention for her comments on Mornings with Kerri-Anne, likening women who are picked up by male footballers to strays. She was discussing with former AFL star footballer Peter ‘Spida’ Everitt, the alleged assault of a 20-year-old university student by a group of men including two Collingwood players after their premiership win.
Everitt had posted a number of tweets on the incident, suggesting it was a case of morning- after regret and that girls who go home with footballers shouldn’t be expecting Milo.
Men, said Kennerley, “put themselves in harm’s way by picking up strays”. She also asked what was it women expected in such situations and said that in alcohol fuelled scenarios at 3am “no one party can be blamed”. In a statement of ‘clarification’, Nine said: “Not one party can be blamed for this. The responsibility lies with the girls as well as with the guys when you’re talking about alcohol-fuelled situations at three o’clock in the morning.”
Let’s unpack these comments a little shall we?
“Picking up strays”
Women are to be compared with stray animals, like cats or (worse) dogs? We know that 85% of victims will never report to police. And people wonder why. When they risk being called, liars, sluts and now “strays”, why would any woman who has just been through a terrible ordeal also want to sign up for that?
It is probably unintentional, but Kennerley is sending a message to rape victims and to girls everywhere that if they are raped they will be vilified and humiliated. In so doing, they are re-abused.
“What do they expect?”
Maybe they expect not to be subjected to rape? Maybe they expect they won’t be sexually assaulted or subjected to any other criminal offense?
“They have to learn”
They have to learn that they could be seen as causing the assault? Leading him on? Contributing to it in some way? Women have to learn because they should expect to be sexually assaulted? As a commenter here said, “Men will be men”. And another: “The law holds men responsible for their behaviour whilst inebriated and specifically does not hold women responsible for their behaviour in the same state. Hence this situation is inevitable.”
More rape apologism suggesting rape is inevitable.
“No one party can be blamed”
If a man assaults a woman, is he not to be blamed? If a man takes advantage of a woman who is under the influence, she has not given consent. Therefore it is unlawful.
Drunkenness is not an invitation for sex. The inability to say no doesn’t mean a woman has said yes.
Sexual Assault for Dummies
Remarkably, grown men still need to be taught that if a woman is out of it, she can’t agree to sex. In the AFL’s Respect and Responsibility manual, under a section of checklist items to help a man know consent has been given, it states:
When is consent freely given? When she’s conscious – AWAKE!
MTR comments on The Morning Show
I also responded specifically to Kennerley’s comments on Channel 9’s Today Show this morning. Please follow this link to view.
There’s been some excellent commentary on this issue the last couple of days. These pieces deserve to be read.
‘A little bit sexually assaulted: a cup of milo and a bad lie down’ by Lauren Rosewarne
A woman can’t be a little bit pregnant, she can’t be a little bit dead, she can’t be a little bit equal, and she most certainly can’t be a little bit sexually assaulted.
If consent is absent, rape has occurred. There is no grey.
While the details get shuffled about – the code, the players, the seedy nightclub providing the backdrop – in essence the same story is being retold. Footballers and sexual assault. The same story and frequently, the same public reaction: scepticism. Read more.
‘Women cop blame (again) for sexual assault’ by Nina Funnell
No men, including footballers, are entitled to sex with drunk women.
Women ask to be raped. Women fabricate rape allegations to assuage guilt. Rape victims are sluts and strays. These are some of the attitudes that have been unearthed this week following a police investigation into sexual assault allegations made by a 20-year-old woman.
The woman alleges she was the victim of a sexual assault involving a number of men, including two Collingwood players. The incident was said to have occurred in South Melbourne on Sunday morning, just hours after Collingwood defeated St Kilda in the grand final rematch. Read more.
‘How Not To Rape People: A Handy Guide for Footballers and Men’ by Ben Pobjie
In my perusings of the modern media landscape, a worrying trend has come to my attention: young men who apparently just can’t stop having non-consensual sex with others. It’s a tricky problem, and one to which there are, clearly, no easy solutions. I mean, it’s all very well to say “No means no”, but as popular ex-footballer/arachnid Peter “Spida” Everitt says, when a girl goes home with a guy at 3am, it’s not for a cup of Milo. So we can see there are two sides to every story: on the one hand, a young lady might feel violated, but on the other hand, why do these women keep going round to strangers’ houses in the hopes of having some Milo? Why don’t they buy their OWN Milo? Young people today, I ask you. Read more.
‘Rape probe hysterics an assault on justice’ by John Silvester
So here we are again – women are sluts and men are morons.
That would appear to be the view of many who have decided to venture opinions on the police investigation involving a number of young men, including two Collingwood footballers, over allegations of sexual assault.
The facts as known are simple. A young traumatised woman has told police she was raped. Experienced detectives used to dealing with sexual assault victims found her credible. Read more.
See also: ‘Not rape, just boys acting up’
‘Why ask men to stop raping when women can barricade themselves in their homes?‘
‘Rape prevention tips guaranteed to work’
October 7th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
Love this quote from the John Silvester article:
“The should-have-known-better argument is just plain dumb. If a male is bashed in King Street do we blame him for being out in an area known for late night assaults?”
Exactly!! It’s ridiculous that we still treat rape as basically a woman doing something slutty that makes a man so horny he just can’t help himself. This is offensive to both males and females. It’s about time we stopped focusing on a woman’s role in sexual assault. We constantly get told what we must do to prevent it, how we must act and where we must go and what we must do. Let’s start looking at the male role, educating them on what’s wrong, what they can and can’t do. Because obviously the way it is now is not. working.
October 7th, 2010 at 7:44 pm
Great article, Melinda!
It needs to be stated that a rape that does not result in conviction, is not evidence of that the rape never happened.
Sexual assaults are notoriously difficult to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, because most of the time the only witnesses to the crime are the perpetrator and the victim.
It is an insult to men everywhere when they are told that they basically lack the ability to control their own bodies.
All men are capable of not raping, just like all men are capable of controlling their temper and not striking their wives in a fit of anger. Or bashing some guy that provoked them at the pub. Real men don’t rape.
October 7th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
What is going on in people’s brains? It is so upsetting at how far we
haven’t come.
There seems to be a confusion between a number of different issues.
There is a reality, that there are rapists out there and if you are drunk
they will be more likely and more able to take advantage of your drunkenness.
People then use this reality, to say that it is the woman’s fault if she is
attacked.
It is like rapists are entitled to be rapists, we just need to do our best
to avoid them.
If you don’t look like you’re trying to avoid them, ie. having a few drinks
with mates then “What do you expect?”
People don’t realise what they are actually saying – by saying ‘what do you
expect?’ they are saying ‘we all know footballers are rapists, why would you
go back to his house?’
But it gets worse, people also assume what is meant by rape, is a sexual
incident that was later regretted. I’m sure women do regret going back to
someone’s house after they’ve been raped by that someone.
But these women aren’t charging these men with ‘bad, regrettable sex’ they
are charging them with rape.
Some think that these women are going after 15 minutes of fame – no, by
charging a footballer with rape, they are getting 15 minutes of blame and
shame.
I’ve hung out with blokes in the early hours of the morning after a
gathering, none of them raped me. Because they aren’t rapists. But now that
we’ve accepted that footballers are rapists, maybe we should be warning
people – FOOTBALLERS ARE RAPISTS – ASSOCIATE WITH THESE MEN, EXPECT TO BE
RAPED. Channel 9, Kerri-Anne and ‘spida douchebag’ said it.
And, what if a woman does think ‘yeah, i’m going to shag this footballer’
and then goes back to his house and begins to feel unwell, or rethinks the
idea after seeing a photo of his wife, or has sobered up and doesn’t want to
anymore, does her ‘going back to his house’ mean that she can’t revoke
consent?
She should be attacked for changing her mind? Is that what people really think?
What if a man was drunk, and went to a woman’s house. Is she allowed to
engage with him sexually against his will because ‘what did he expect?’ Would women be excused for attacking men, like men are excused for attacking women?
October 7th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
thanks for writing this article, melinda.
people like kerri anne and spida everitt obviously think rape happens when the sexual urge of men gets so intense to the point that they just can’t help themselves. but that’s crap. rape is a violent act. either the victim is unconscious or too drunk to give consent and know what’s going on, or the victim *is* conscious, in which case there is a moment where the rapist actively decides he is going to coerce or force his victim into physically engaging in an act that she does not want to do.
rape is about power, not sex.
October 8th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Wouldn’t it be nice if men who take drunk women home for a cup of milo, actually made them that milo and kept them safe and comfortable until they were fit to go home?
October 8th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
I guess I shouldn’t be, but I’ve been absolutely shocked and sickened by all the rape apologism underlying not just the comments of the higher profile figures, but so much of the wider public comment about this. It’s almost soul-destroying to think that so many Australian men and women seem to be quietly represented by Spida Everitt and Kerri-Anne. Thanks to all of you who are pushing back.
October 8th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
This is a very difficult situation. I agree that women don’t “ask for it” They are entitled to expect not to be raped or assaulted and in a perfect world the guy would make sure they got home safely. Nothing can excuse a man from any sort of assault on women.
Having said that, are women to take no responsibility for putting themselves in dangerous situations. If she walked through a park late at night on her own we would say that was not safe or responsible behaviour, that doesn’t excuse or condone anything that happens to her.
Any example will incur the wrath of someone but here goes, if you play with fire you will get burned. Does that make it ok that you got burned? No but that’s what happens.
(some)Cashed up, drunk, footballers or celebrities or wannbees, that we have put on idol status will believe that they can do what ever they like (we know they can’t). Women who put themselves in the path of these sorts of people may very likely get hurt. Did they ask for it ? NO .Did they deserve it? NO. should we let it go unpunished? NO. But it can be the sad consequence. We need to educate both men AND women to keep everyone safe
October 8th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
So women who are drunk are unable to consent … what about men who are drunk? Perhaps the problem is not so much unwanted sex but irresponsible drinking.
October 8th, 2010 at 6:21 pm
Verina, as I said in an earlier comment, you’re confusing two different issues.
You are talking about a reality, that there are rapists out there and women being drunk and vulnerable makes them an easy target.
What creates the dangerous situation is not that women are alone or drunk, but that men are targeting these women. Women aren’t responsible for creating the dangerous situation, men who rape are.
A few years ago some saw it as ‘dangerous and irresponsible’ to use our local bike paths alone, because there was a serial rapist attacking women, during daylight. The logical conclusion then is that i shouldn’t go for a walk, if i get raped, “what did i expect putting myself in that dangerous situation?”
I’m not responsible for the dangerous situation, the rapist is responsible.
What if a man has been to the pub, walks home late in the evening and gets robbed by a bunch of thugs, should the man who was attacked take some responsibility for the ‘dangerous situation?’
I know that you’re saying that nothing can excuse men attacking women, but what you’re saying (“women putting themselves in that situation”) does excuse them. Saying “What did she expect?” as Kerri-Anne did, takes the responsibility away from men and puts it on the woman’s shoulders, who ‘should have known better.’
Further, even if a woman did decide she wanted to have sex with a footballer, she is allowed to change her mind. The reason footballers think they can do what they like is because we we keep telling them that. As long as we continue to collectively excuse rape by putting the onus on women to modify men’s behaviour or dodge their raping tendencies (don’t drink alcohol, don’t walk the bike path) footballers and men in general will never be held responsible for attacking women.
So Verina, no. The woman is not responsible for her attack. The law is very clear on this. If women excluded themselves from every ‘dangerous situation’ created by men who rape, we would have to barricade ourselves inside our homes.
@Cassie – a drunk man can’t consent either, but we don’t have an epidemic of women’s netball teams raping men.
October 8th, 2010 at 7:05 pm
Great article Melinda! I am certain many girls who have remained silent about being sexually assaulted by men who play with balls for money will read this and gain some strength.
October 8th, 2010 at 7:27 pm
It is disappointing to the see stigma surrounding victims of sexual assault has not improved.
When Spida Everitt was talking with Kerri Anne, one of the points he hammered home was that there were all these repercussions for the footballers, and none for the victims- when the footballers were found not guilty. I think someone already made a similar point but being found not guilty is hardly proof of innocence! Often there is not enough evidence to lay charges or to have success at trial, therefore a “not guilty” verdict results. Just because there was not more evidence doesn’t sexual assault did not occur. Should the victims in those cases be “named and shamed” and subjected to further trauma after the ordeal of a trial? How does that make sense?
Many people still think rape is only rape if it involves a stranger out at night with a knife, or some kind of similar situation. If the rapist is known to the victim (as is usually the case) then people seem to start assigning blame to the girl. It adds to an already horrific situation.
When I was 17, I was sexually assaulted by an older male friend. I kept it to myself for many months for several reasons.
One is that I thought I was to blame- that I should have said or done something to stop it, or I should have known better. (This was reinforced by the response I got from someone when shared with them- “Why was I alone in his bedroom with him?” )
Plus, I didn’t want to think about it or deal with it ever again. I didn’t want people to know, to judge me, pity me, know my personal business. There was no way I wanted to upset my parents or family. I thought I might not be believed (and several of my friends reinforced this, sadly).
I have since been more open about this experience and have had some counselling, but I know that I would never go to the police. It would tear my life apart. Plus look how our society treats the girls.
October 9th, 2010 at 5:46 am
Yet again men are being ‘let off the hook.’ Is it so difficult for men to recognise the difference between a woman giving free and informed agreement to engage in certain sexual acts and what happens when a man decides ‘she looks up for it so I’m going to penetrate her body because since I’m a male I have no responsibility whatsoever for my actions/behaviour.’
Patriarchy claims that men are rational and objective yet when it concerns male sexual violence against women and girls men’s rationality flies out of the window. Can’t have it both ways boys – either you are rational human beings or else you are incapable of rational thought.
Remember men you are the ones responsible for preventing rape – women aren’t responsible and no women do not rape men to the extent men are continuing to do so. Such claims are a deliberate attempt to keep the focus on absolving men of their accountability.
Finally men – no you are not entitled to have sexual access to any woman or girl 24/7 and this includes if she happens to be drunk. Drinking alcohol does not mean the woman is ‘consenting’ to male(s) penetrating her body or committing any other form of sexual violence against her. But because our male supremacist works 110% to maintain the myth ‘rape is terrible – BUT BUT most men do not commit rape they just enact their pseudo male sex right to women and so rape is not rape. Unless of course the male rapist is a deviant stranger or a loner.’
Remember rape is rape is rape – unless the woman is able to give free and informed agreement and this means she has not been subjected to male coercion, male pressure and male threats of physical violence. Men do not implode from lack of penetrating a woman’s body but many men do commit sexual violence against women and girls whilst claiming they are the ‘real victims.’
October 9th, 2010 at 8:26 am
Verina & Anna, Yes it is difficult for men to recognise ‘free and informed consent’ when BOTH parties are drunk or stoned and completely off their face. The problem we are facing is LACK OF RESPONSIBILITY by both men and women.
I remember a conversation years ago when I was young 🙂 I was talking to a man who was distressed that a girlfriend of his had discovered that her mother had intended to abort her/ This man told me how sad that would have been, but then he told me that in some circumstances abortion was inevitable. By way of example he said to me: “What if you had too much to drink tonight and then got pregnant?”
I replied: “I wouldn’t”
To which he responded incredulously: “How do you know you wouldn’t get pregnant?”
“Because I wouldn’t get drunk.”
The look on his face was as though I was a freak. So it is drunkedness that is inevitable for some of these protagonists. If men are drunk they have little ability to make judgments about consent. if women are drunk they are unable to make judgments about whether to accept a cup of milo.
This is a cultural problem where young people are given all sorts of mixed messages. There are plenty of girls out there who engage in the culture of raunch – perhaps with false bravado – and then get scared of the consequences. And I have known men who are horrified at the number of women on the prowl who expect them to take them home after having met them an hour or two earlier . . . It is just too simplistic to vilify men.
October 10th, 2010 at 9:53 pm
I have to preface my comment to say that I believe that when a woman says no, it’s no regardless of whether she is drunk, initially agreed to have sex with a man or followed him to his hotel room. However, I believe that women can make better choices, exercise more responsibility and be more careful about the places they choose to go and the company they choose to keep. Rape is rape regardless of the circumstances and in ideal world, rape wouldn’t occur but this is far from being an ideal world.
October 11th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
WOW, how distasteful, to say the least!!
October 13th, 2010 at 9:41 pm
KA Kennerley and S. Everitt apparently can’t tell the difference between rape and sex that is mutual, consenting and pleasurable for both parties.
Let’s say that what is happening IS sex (and not rape) – footballers must be the lousiest lovers in the country, otherwise we wouldn’t hear complaints every other week from allegedly consenting females.
If the footballers who have been accused of rape are alleged victims of alleged false allegations, then maybe they need to stop putting themselves in these awful situations where all these allegedly gold digging, allegedly fame seeking females can victimize them.
When will footballers ever learn that when a woman goes home with them at 3.00 am it isn’t for Milo OR sex, but just to get famous and get rich by accusing them of rape.