‘I shaved my pubic hair and became highly sexual…my innocence was stolen from me’

Jemima (her real name withheld by request) is a 19 year old university student living in Melbourne. At age 10 she saw pornography for the first time. Her life began to unravel, culminating in sexual assault by a group of teen boys when she was 14 and leading to severe mental health problems. I got chatting to Jemima at the recent Justice Conference in Melbourne. Within a few minutes her story poured out and she agreed to allow me to record her experience. Articulate and insightful, Jemima helps us see the way porn exposure so young shaped her view of herself, what she was good for, how she should behave and to understand the long-lasting ramifications nine years later.

We will continue to #boycottWestfield

Despite 58,000 signatures on a change.org petition to its CEOs,  a national day of boycott held Friday, a deluge of phone calls, emails and social media posts, and significant risk of loss of reputation and brand damage, Westfield continue to absolve itself of responsibility for the advertising behaviour of tenant Honey Birdette.

Westfield had said it “was listening” and had asked HB to remove “certain elements” from its current campaign. Entirely missing the point that it was never just about a few Santa ads but about the continual promotion of porn culture in public spaces over a number of years.

Here’s how I responded on Facebook: Peter Allen, CEO of Scentre group (owner and operator of Westfield Australia), responded,  perhaps thinking that we would be really impressed by the fact that he is a ‘male Champion of Change’ working to end violence against women. (Time to join the dots here Peter). Allen said Westfield lessees have a substantial degree of autonomy in “how they sell and promote their wares… as long as they are doing so within the parameters of their legal obligations”.

Now I reckon Westfield would require their tenants to abide by a whole stack of things if they want to set up shop in their premises. I bet there’s a big fat rental agreement somewhere of everything tenants have to agree to, from fixtures to fittings to cleaning, safety, opening hours and a lot more besides. But giant sex-industry inspired images of women plastered all over HB (and other Westfield stores) – well, Westfield is fine with that. Surely they have the power to control what happens in their own shopping centres? Why not specify that you can’t wallpaper your shop fronts with pornified images of women in Westfield’s premises? That’s what good corporate citizenship would look like.

And you can’t call yourself a ‘male champion of change’ if you won’t apply some ethical guidelines to stop your own premises being used to promote sexism, sexist behaviours and the idea that women exist as playthings for men. The research is solid. Sexualised portrayals of women contribute to a “diminished view of women’s competence, morality and humanity”. (Who hands out these titles anyway? Is there any vetting process or does any bloke who say he wants to be called that just get the title? Not my champion!).

I’ve been doing a bit of media on the issue. Here I am as “Mum Melinda” on Yahoo7.

MTR quoted:

“Westfield and Honey Birdette are promoting sexism and inciting harassment of women by allowing these ‘pornified’, hypersexualised images into shopping centres around the country.

“This is so harmful to our kids. It is grooming children to believe this behaviour is acceptable and that is how women should behave.

“We’re conditioning boys to act disrespectfully towards women.

“One mum told me how her four-year-old daughter imitated a Honey Birdette ad she saw by pouting, posing and rubbing her hand down her thigh.

“To say children don’t notice these images is insane and a lie.”

Keep up the pressure! If you haven’t already – sign the petition.

See also:

‘Hey kids come to Westfield and see Madame straddle Santa and get your photo taken with him at the same time!’, MTR

How Westfield shares the joy of Christmas with your children

When a child bounds excitedly up to the Santa photo kiosk to have their pic taken with the legendary bringer of gifts and Christmas cheer, this is what they will see a mere 10 metres in front of them.

These images were taken by Melbourne supporter Cathy Trew at Westfield Doncaster, Victoria. The woman straddled over Father Christmas, imitative of sexual engagement, is featured in a window display from high end sex store Honey Birdette. ‘Mummy, why is that lady sitting on Santa?’. Good luck answering that one mum.

Another good reason to join 52,000 other people and sign the Change.org petition. Westfield needs to show some Corporate Social Responsibility and stop polluting the public space with hypersexualized images,  borderline pornographic and BDSM- themed displays of women in kid’s faces – and all our faces.

See also:

‘It’s time Honey Birdette CEO dragged this company, which is peddling outdates and dangerous images of women, into this century’, Susie O’Brien, Herald Sun/MTR

‘How Honey Birdette repackages sexual subordination as empowerment’, Caitlin Roper, ABC Religion and Ethics

‘Why Australia Should Follow France’s lead on ‘Degrading’ Sexist Advertising, Melinda Tankard Reist, ABC Religion & Ethics

Honey Birdette stores are not a powerful look for women

Susie O’Brien

November 13, 2017

WHAT are “pleasure parlours” packed with raunchy lingerie, sex toys and bondage items such as whips, paddles, bridles and harnesses doing in the middle of mainstream shopping centres?

I don’t blame one Melbourne father for objecting this week to the Honey Birdette store in his local Westfield Shoppingtown. His change.org petition attacking their large pornographic advertising images has now been signed by 43,000 people.

Such stores are staffed by retail workers called “Honeys” who are dolled up to look like sex workers. Many have their bras hanging out of their tops, and they’re told they must wear high heels and have perfectly pouty red lips.

Funnily enough, CEO and founder Eloise Monaghan didn’t choose that form of attire for a recent corporate video, or for the majority of her official appearances.

She has her top fully buttoned up — which is how women dress when they’re given a choice. When I asked Monaghan yesterday why she didn’t dress like her sales staff, she answered: “I am today.” However, I doubt she’s walking through Canberra airport with her top unbuttoned and her bra showing.

No, I‘ll bet that demeaning look is just for the “Honeys” whose job it is to use their sexuality to get customers to buy things.

Lingerie label Honey Birdette has come under fire. Picture: Penny Lane

I am not sure how being “ready to take over the world one libido at a time” is a legitimate job description and yet it’s on the company’s website.

“With ruby red lips and high heels, it is their pleasure to deliver the Honey Birdette experience to you,” the website reads. Why should girls have to “rock a red pout” and wear stilettos in order to sell lingerie?

At a time when Hollywood is under a cloud because of sexual abusers and predators like Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey, it seems very wrong to make sexuality and the impression of sexual availability a job requirement.

The company says it has a “zero tolerance towards sexual harassment in the workplace”.

And yet a corporate-mandated sexual harassment message comes through loud and clear in a recent video, which shows women in their lingerie dancing with men fully dressed in suits. The clip, put up two weeks ago, is called “Office Party”. If my office had a party like that, we’d all be sacked.

The Little Black Book, which until recently was rumoured to be given to new staff, says workers should channel the following words: “sultry, saucy, sensual, playful”. It also tells workers to meet customers with a “pout”.

Honey Birdette CEO and founder Eloise Monaghan (left) pictured in 2010.

When I spoke to her yesterday, Monaghan denied the controversial Little Black Book existed at all. And yet it was talked about on the website in a piece signed by Monaghan herself.

Monaghan also insisted the company met all workplace safety and human resources guidelines, but there does seem to be a large number of former workers insisting otherwise.

Late last year, a number of former employees claimed they were encouraged to see sexual harassment as part of the job and a legitimate way to encourage sales. One worker says she was whipped by a customer with a riding crop and was encouraged to hand out her phone number. Another said she was encouraged to flirt with customers and was “harassed on every shift”. Others have left similar comments on online job boards.

Monaghan said the former staff complaining about conditions were merely “venomous trolls”.

It’s time she dragged this company, which is peddling outdated and dangerous images of women, into this century. Not only is it putting current workers at risk, it sends a message to teens that to be sexual is to adopt tawdry stereotypical pornographic images, stances, outfits and props.

A recent Australian study suggests that more than 90 per cent of 13 to 16-year-old boys, and 60 per cent of girls the same age, have been exposed to pornography online.

Nearly 90 per cent of such material is violent; mostly by men towards women. Often women in the clips react with a neutral or positive response, giving the misleading impression they like it.

The Honeys have claimed they have to do the same thing: make playful gestures and jokes when customers take things too far. They have to keep smiling and act as if they like it.

Sexual harassment is a serious workplace safety issue, not a flirty selling point. Young women should not have to put up with such behaviour in order to make a sale.

Monaghan seems to accuse all objectors of disempowering women, saying her company is all about “empowerment”.

I cannot see how.

What’s empowering about standing around all day on stilettos? Having your bra poking out? Wearing huge amounts of expensive make-up? Laughing at sexist jokes from customers?

I have no problem with such stores being located in places where adults can visit them.

However, kids don’t need to be walking past shops that bill themselves as the “pleasure parlour” offering a “treasury of amusements to send you blissfully to the brink and beyond”.

And the people who work in them shouldn’t have to be “like Hollywood starlets, only naughtier”, “sweet sirens” and “rock ’n’ roll vixens” in order to do their job.

Reprinted with permission Susie O’Brien

See also: ‘MTR accuses Westfield of aiding and abetting sexism in Ben Fordham interview’ –  MTR

Honey Birdette and the changing attitudes to sex in advertising – The Conversation

I can’t get the images out of my  head: I reported him to try to save the child victims…

Dr Rachel Carling-Jenkins, 42, was first elected as a Democratic Labor Party member in Victoria in 2014, resigning from the DLP this year and joining the Australian Conservatives. Her background is in the welfare sector and has led her to become a vocal advocate for those without a voice, particularly the rights of people with disabilities, their carers and families. She is also an activist against the sex trade, which is how I first met her.

Rachel Carling-Jenkins

In February last year, Rachel discovered that her husband of ten years, Gary Jenkins, had an extensive collection of child sex abuse materials on his computer. After reporting him to police, he was subsequently convicted and served four months in jail (this is considered a high sentence in Victoria).

Rachel first revealed what had happened to her in a speech delivered to stunned silence in the Victorian Parliament. Parliament was suspended due to the distress of members. (See a deeply affecting extract of Rachel’s speech in Parliament). The MP has been criticised by some for speaking out about what happened, including friends, saying she should have stood by her husband and that he was ‘just looking’ … with no understanding that he was in fact fueling the evil trade in the rape and torture of children. A redeeming aspect of her ordeal is that Rachel is now being contacted by survivors of the child sex abuse industry as well as women whose partner’s have consumed  images and videos of children being abused. By speaking out, she has given many others courage to do so.

See also:

Pay Per View Torture: Why Are Australian Telcos and ISPs Enabling a Child Sexual Abuse Pandemic?, MTR

Time to act on Honey Birdette’s repeat offences

I spoke with Ben Fordham on Radio 2GB yesterday about the repeat corporate offender Honey Birdette, the sex shop masquerading as a lingerie store in family shopping malls. We at Collective Shout have been campaigning against Honey Birdette for a number of years. Now the pressure is on Westfield to act. The company’s Corporate Values state it will “act, at all times, as a leading corporate citizen in adhering to applicable laws and meeting the community’s expectations regarding corporate behaviour“.   It can’t claim to care about corporate social responsibility, to be a leading corporate citizen meeting the community’s expectations if it doesn’t. (Interview starts 12:50 minutes into the program).

Sign the petition

Melbourne father of two young children, Kenneth Thor, launched this petition calling on Westfield CEO’s to take action. There are now over 32,0000 signatures. Please add your name so that Westfield is called to account for promoting sexist culture in its shopping centres.

I use the term ‘male violence’ because whether we are referring to so-called domestic violence, sexual violence or child sexual abuse, violence against women, children or men, the perpetrators are overwhelmingly men, with over 95% of all violence committed against both men and women being committed by men. 

I use the term male violence because in order to address the issue, to save women’s lives, we must first identify the problem. While it may be easier to pretend incidents of men’s violence against women are merely a series of isolated events, the reality is a pattern of male violence- a national emergency- and a culture that endorses it.

Reclaim the night – Perth

We prefer to believe that male violence against women is deviant behaviour, committed by a few bad eggs. But violence against women isn’t an anomaly; it is the natural manifestation of a culture in which women are regarded as inferior to men, as objects of sexual recreation and entertainment.

This is not to suggest men’s violence against women is natural or normal, but rather to recognise that in a culture where men are socialised from boyhood to be sexually dominant and to view women as sexual conquests, or as less intelligent, less competent, less equal- an epidemic of male violence against women is an inevitable outcome.

As academic and author Robert Jensen argued, “In a patriarchal culture in which many men understand sex as the taking of pleasure from women, rape is an expression of the sexual norms of the culture, not a violation of those norms.”

Popular culture is littered with imagery and messages that reinforce women’s second-class status. In media and advertising, women are routinely objectified and dehumanized, reduced to a collection of sexualized body parts. It is near impossible to escape the ubiquitous representations of women as sexually available and existing for men’s use.

If we look to music and entertainment, popular recording artists refer to women as ‘bitches’ or worse, rapping about raping us and mutilating our bodies. This is considered entertainment.

The video games for men and boys where extreme violence against women is a novelty factor, affording players a range of creative options for murdering women, like shooting them or mowing them down in their cars.

‘Lads mags’ that advise their readership of teenage boys how to prey on and coerce girls into unwanted sex by getting them drunk and isolating them from their friends. Similar magazines continue to be sold in selected supermarkets, news agencies and petrol stations around the country.

Robin Thicke’s hit Blurred Lines, with its frequent refrain “I know you want it”, a sentiment typically invoked by men to override a woman’s ‘no’.

High-profile male comedians using their platforms to tell rape jokes. The premise of such jokes, of course, is that there is something comical about the violation and abuse of women.

The popular book and film series romanticizing intimate partner abuse and stalking being pitched as a love story, released on Valentines Day.

Pimp Hugh Hefner, who did immeasurable damage to women, hailed as a hero or champion of civil rights- because women’s rights are secondary, at best.

The major book chains exposed selling incest and child abuse themed ‘erotica’, sanctioning the rape of children by their fathers as a legitimate sexual fantasy.

Wicked Campervans, emblazoned with misogynist slogans that refer to women as sluts and joke about drowning us.

The very existence of rape simulation video games for men and boys, in which the aim is to rape a mother and her daughters, complete with multi-player settings so boys can participate in gang rape scenes with their mates.

There’s the eroticisation of men’s predatory behaviour, like Calvin Klein’s ‘upskirting’ ads  and billboards depicting a gang rape scenario to sell jeans. There are countless ads for high fashion brands featuring bruised and bloodied women who are nonetheless, still glamorous and sexy. The sexualisation of dead women- female corpses- to sell cosmetics, menswear, hair products, bags, belts and shoes.

Then there is mainstream pornography- now the primary sex education tool for young people- where men’s sexual cruelty and humiliation of women is presented as sex. Women are shown responding positively to acts of male aggression, forwarding the view that deep down all women ‘want it’, secretly craving and enjoying abusive treatment.

The staggering levels of violence against women in the sex industry at the hands of buyers and pimps.

Feminists called out so-called ‘ute art’ in Townsville, a chilling life-sized sticker depicting an unconscious woman, bound in the back of the ute alongside a shovel. Women who spoke out against this were shot down, told to lighten up, that it was just a joke- in a country where on average, two women are murdered by their male partners each week.

As women, we’re expected to not only tolerate misogyny, but to see the humour in our exploitation and abuse.

Misogyny is rife, and it is not limited to popular culture. When it comes to real life violence against women, female victims who dare to come forward face scrutiny and suspicion. Women are routinely blamed for their rapes and told they have invited men’s predatory behaviour and violent abuse. Media focus on the victims and their actions, rather than the men who abused or killed them.

In my years as a campaigner against the sexual exploitation of women and girls, I have encountered numerous women who have been victims of male violence. Many of these were women I met through the course of my work, but soon other women began approaching me to share their experiences. They told me horrific stories of sexual abuse by fathers, brothers and uncles, of being raped by intimate partners (men who claimed to love them), male friends or employers, being beaten by male partners and even left for dead, having their rapes filmed and distributed online as pornography.

The women who told me these stories were typically friends or acquaintances. Many were women I saw regularly and had known for years- some even at the time of their abuse- and I had had no idea. For a few, these were experiences they had never shared, even with those closest to them.

This happens all the time. We like to believe men’s violence against women is rare, that if it was happening to someone we know and love then we would know. But it is happening. It happens to our friends, our family members, to women we love and respect. This is what an epidemic of male violence looks like.

This widespread violence doesn’t just happen; it doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It flourishes in a culture that is openly hostile to women, one in which the debasement of women is culturally sanctioned.

It’s not enough to condemn the violence, the end result. We have to fight the sexist and hateful attitudes towards women that fuel male violence. There are women who are alive today, who in the coming weeks and months will become statistics. Tonight we fight for women’s lives.